KIND MOTIVATION
We’ve been thoroughly schooled in how to motivate ourselves to change through judging ourselves and finding ourselves wanting:
“My thighs are too fat” (i.e. bad) => I must exercise or lose weight”
“I’m disgusting because I smoke/ I’ve got no discipline” (i.e. wrong) => I must quit”
“I’m not creative enough to play with my child” (i.e. not enough) => I must get better or make time”
All these hoped for outcomes may be beneficial to us or our child. Not essential, not a should: beneficial. If we want. When we make our want big enough, when we remove the judgment, we can change that self talk. We change our mindset, when we’re kinder to ourselves and that makes us more likely to achieve our goals. It’s infinitely more desirable than hating ourselves in the attempt to make changes.
What if we changed that to making a clear plan from neutral statements about ourselves and our wants? The same examples would sound quite different:
“I want my thighs to be toned” => “I exercise and make useful food choices”
“I want to find ways to de-stress and take time for myself => “I love myself actively. I will research breathing techniques and hypnosis to stop smoking”
“I want to make space to be creative and play with my child => “I commit to 1-1 free play at a certain time each day. I listen to a creativity podcast on my school run”
The same goes for our children. They’re not lazy because they don’t want to brush their teeth or tidy up. They are simply being children, absorbed in something more interesting to them and reluctant to break off. If there’s a point you want to make, make it about the behaviour, not their personality.
We want to help them motivate themselves towards any change in at least a neutral way, a positive one is most likely to achieve our aim.
What’s one thing you’re going to motivate yourself or your child to do, using kindness instead of judgment?