CAN YOU PLAY WITH ME?
Do your eyes light up at those words or do they fill your heart with dread?
Why play and what about the mess!?
Our children learn through play. So much that is socially useful to them: turn taking, listening, rules. They get to be creative, think outside of the box, know that we want to spend time with them, different people play differently. Seriously useful stuff.
Your child might play differently, they might not use what we think of as toys or games. My middle son keeps all manner of bent paperclips, screws etc in his pockets and on his desk as they’re ‘fiddle toys’ to him. And when he shows me, I can see how that makes total sense! Who am I to stand in the way of his creative brain?! Everything can be play when you’re young: let’s not lose that openness & remember clearing up’s part of being a parent (it can be a game too! Timer, music, pick up 3 /13 things…)
Our play story
Our son used to spend 6 hours a day playing with us, and others we trained in the Son Rise play approach: a yes environment, following his motivations, being user friendly. Big physical games with gym balls, crafts that honed fine motor skills, play acting and role play. My favourite might have been when we tied red wool across his bedroom and pretended it was laser beams we couldn’t touch (like a Bond film!) Those hours and years built the strong foundations for him to manage socially and academically at home, with friends, at school and 6th form college. He has a part time job and goes to the gym every week.
Simple, quick ways to reinject play: make it visible
I'm remembering all over again how vitally important play is. My husband got rid of a load of CDs & I rearranged some small games into the gaps on the shelves in our playroom (Dobble, Who Am I, Articulate, Memory Mayhem, Uno, Connect 4, Guess Who, Exploding Kittens! draw/ act/ mime games, cards etc).
These used to be hidden from view by the side of the sofa. My youngest and I have started playing most days and sometimes her brothers have joined in too. Such a difference from simply putting them where we can see them. Before Christmas she was much more I-pad focused (still loves that too!) & we were having more issues at bedtime.
Yesterday it struck me how much these have helped her feel connected, listened to, able to be funny & exuberant. She said "we haven't played a game today". I'd introduced her to Kim's game (where you memorise a load of things on a tray). But we hadn't played one of the ones she's recently got used to: the choosing, getting it down, setting it up, playing, putting away etc. And that was a part of her process I hadn't realised matters to her.
Sometimes we play in bed on a slow morning or before bed instead of reading.
Connection, acceptance and cheating!
Even if it's 10-20 mins, a game is such a great way to simply be with our children. Show our love, strengthen our bond, accept 100% them even if they cheat! I've seen this help them get over the need to win and cheat in the long run: honest 😉
Games can be chasing, throwing, hiding, pretend they're a baby animal & you're the parent, charades, Noughts & Crosses, hangman, boxes, anything you make up, or can use a pen and paper for out & about. Definitely the games they ask for - "Thanks for asking!": celebration time 🥳 🥳
Playing games with our kids changes up the energy & shows them you've got time for them. No guilt if you haven't had the time or energy for this recently. Just useful to see what's impactful for your particular young'un.
All the other more crisis aversion techniques I support parents with: boundary setting, meltdown management, anxiety support, are cradled in a comforting hammock woven from the playtime we’ve shared.
My small group support goes into depth on those areas. Click small groups if that’s something you’d like input with.